In my career I spend a great deal of time everyday working with university students to figure out what their priorities are. I help them figure out how to set their calendars, juggle part time jobs, and fit in the rest of life. My approach is one of "emotional time management"; the idea that who they are when they come to university and what is in their life, for the most part needs to stay. The "things" that take up their existing time are people, activities, etc...that motivate and form who they are as people. When they come to us at Ambrose I see it as crucial that what was in their lives prior stays and we find a way to work studies into that existing schedule.
Of late...it has occurred to me that I am a professional hypocrite. I spend 8-12 hours a day working under a philosophy that I feel very strongly about, yet in my own life I have not lived by it. I live a life horribly out of balance. The most important things in my life seem to continually take a back seat to activities, and roles that should not define who I am.
I believe it is bogus to say that as men we let our jobs define us; I see this as a cowardly way to escape the hard work that comes with true life balance. What should define me as a man, as a human being are the relationships that God has entrusted me with. My wife and children should be given and have the expectation of my best, not the leftovers at the end of a day.
I do believe that many of the relationships I have with students are God orchestrated and ordained moments. I have the privilege and pleasure to see young people grow and develop on a daily basis. I need to remember how my vocation differs from the calling of my family.
I used to think I was a workaholic...but now realize that I am not. What makes me different form a workaholic is the reality that I have the self awareness that I am living a life out of balance, and finding by value and satisfaction from the wrong things. If I was a workaholic, the drive to work would simply serve as a way to subconsciously hide or avoid what I fear or feel inadequate about.
Achieving balance for me I am coming to realize requires the adding of what I call "step out" time...not devotions, not a quiet time...but a period of time each day where I step outside of the circle and look back into it. This outside observer perspective makes the incongruity crystal clear to me.
I sincerely pray that in short order as I step out and look in, I am filled with joy and and a complete sense of fulfillment with what I see; no longer a sense of failure or grief over what could have been.
